Death and taxes are two things certain in life – and James Milner being anything but boring is another.
The Liverpool midfielder kept us all entertained during the first lockdown earlier this year and even had a gag ready when small group training at football clubs resumed.
During lockdown in Spring, we saw him rationing his tea bags in response to teammate Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and his popstar girlfriend Perrie Edwards dancing up the stairs of their house.
And we’ve also seen him posting a video of himself cutting some grass with some very tiny scissors laughing in the face of his mundane reputation thanks to the ‘Boring James Milner’ parody account on Twitter.
Twitter | @JamesMilner
It’s not the first time the ‘Yorkshire Figo’ has got us all laughing across Twitter and Instagram and here, talksport.com looks at examples of Milner’s best bits off the pitch.
So, in addition to his tea bag rationing antics, here are 12 other reasons why Milneer, who is on the verge of another Premier League title, should also win the Ballon d’Or for social media posts.
1. The first tweet
It was a strong start for Milner who got us all laughing in his very first tweet back in March 2018.
The ‘Boring James Milner’ account has countless references to the midfielder spending his evenings doing the ironing and the real Milner clearly took the jokes in his stride.
2. A very boring Christmas
A plain Christmas card from Gareth Barry, a pencil, a pencil sharpener and a rubber. These are just some of the presents a very happy James Milner got to open on Christmas day while at Manchester City.
3. Easter fun day
Die hard Milner fans will compare his tea bag post to what he did at Easter two years ago where he counted all his mini eggs, colour coded them and made sure there was an equal amount of each colour for good measure…
4. The race is on
Who knew races to tie your shoe laces were even a thing? Well, they are according to Milner.
A picture of him and referee Michael Oliver was taken during Liverpool’s Merseyside derby at Everton in April 2018 and Milner decided to add more to the seemingly not very entertaining picture with the hilarious caption of “Double knot races are never boring!”
5. Logo remover
It’s never a good time to score an own goal but you can always laugh about it if your team wins the game, or in Milner’s case you still makes it to the Champions League final.
Liverpool were leading their second leg in Roma when Milner scored a comical own goal as Dejan Lovren fired straight into his face and the ball dropped into the net.
Milner saw the funny side of it afterwards with this hilarious caption suggesting he needed the Champions League logo removed from his face!
6. Get that sun cream on
Teammate Andy Robertson is often on the end of a Milner joke and arguably the best one came when the Scot’s complexion was the subject of Milner’s teasing in May 2018.
On Instagram, he posted a picture of a topless Robertson in the sun alongside a picture of some drumstick squashies sweets, which had an uncanny resemblance to how Scotland captain Robertson’s skin goes when he’s exposed to the heat.
7. The impossible job?
We suspect Milner is not terribly used to wearing make-up but he had a very witty message for his fans when tweeting a picture of a make-up artist applying it on his face in February 2019.
But fans may feel he’s doing himself a disservice by suggesting the woman had the ‘hardest job in the world’ by putting make-up on him.
8. It’s OK, Sadio
An uncomfortable feud between Sadio Mane and Mohamed Salah broke out earlier this season when the former lost it with the latter for not passing the ball to him during a win against Burnley.
Mane cut an animated figure shortly after being substituted but Milner was on hand to ease the tension with a genius post that saw him pictured next to Mane while the whole thing was going on…
9. VAR dig
Apart from coronavirus, VAR has been the biggest negative of this season.
Video Assistant Referees have been mocked by many and of course Milner was going to have a dig himself, providing a reference to a fixture a few weeks earlier where teammate Roberto Firmino had a goal not given because he was offside by a mere armpit’s length.
10. Christmas message
We’ve no real explanation for why this is so funny but just look at the way Milner stands there next to the snowman!
11. ‘Origi assist’
Liverpool captain Jordan Henderson’s wife recently gave birth to their third child, and it incidentally came nine months after the Reds’ spectacular win over Barcelona in last season’s Champions League semi-finals.
Divock Origi was one of the heroes on the night, scoring two goals in the 4-0 win and Milner credited the Belgian striker with the ‘assist’ for Henderson’s son coming into the world.
12. Factor 5000
The weather is lovely and it’s set Milner up for another tap-in – at teammate Robertson’s expense.
He doesn’t want the Scotland captain to burn, so he’s ordered special sun cream…
Here’s hoping Milner keeps on cracking the gags on social media – we need him now more than ever before!
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